Am I proud to be me?
An honest to whoever-you-believe-in tough question.
It suits the moment.
How should I answer?
Why should I answer to no one?
Don’t know, I’ll just answer.
No.
Plain and simple.
I could be doing something with my life.
Instead, I am wasting it.
But, honestly, what would I do?
I’m just another suburban teen living the ideal life of normalness.
I’m nobody.
I’m not the clothes on my back.
I’m not the person in the pictures you see on this useless page.
I mean, I am, it’s just that…I’m posing in those pictures.
I am not proud to be me.
I have no talent.
I have nothing.
I have nothing that is a passion of mine.
I have nothing to live for.
And, it’s scary cause the last thing I would want to do is become a 9 to 5 worker.
I have the strongest feeling of becoming someone.
All I have to do is get past these next 3 years… of being lonely.
Which is so hard to do.
I mean, I live in a shithole of a town and the one person who I expected to be friends with forever is…we’re on different pages…and I don’t know if still being her friend is going to ruin my life or if it’s going to save it.
So, I guess I can only trust myself?
I’m not stable.
I am very confused.
Life seems like it goes on forever.
And it’s not so great.
School’s coming ‘round.
And it’s going downhill.
I mean, I’ll try to go to school most everyday, but I promised myself last year that I would and I ended up almost failing.
Who am I kidding?
I try at nothing.
I am useless.
I am slowly decomposing.
Aren’t we all…
I feel fucked up.
I don’t know what my problem is.
And, no…I’m not proud of myself.